Gay Men on Match.com
Match.com has been ike walking the wine isle at my local Walmart; ample quantity but little to no quality. Roughly 70% of the matches are not what I am looking for and they just keep coming.
I signed up on Match.com in May 2020 and purchased what they call a Premium subscription. I have a month left before the package renews at an exorbitant scam of over $200 a year. There's no way in hell that I will ever renew this or sign up again in the future. Here's my take on the virtual catalog of hot messes.
Match.com allows you to set preferences and parameters for who you want to be matched with. Day in and day out, a bunch of junkies, the "420 friendly" crowd, keeps showing up as matches even though I have selected to not be matched to that trash. I have selected certain education and family structure parameters, yet the site keeps sending my way divorced hot messes who dropped out in the six grade with a circus full of kids. Even straight men who are 'trying out the gay lifestyle' keep being matched to me.
To be clear, I have nothing against single parents no matter how many kids they have. But if you are a divorced gay man with children, that means that you have at some point dipped your stick in a fish. I certainly don't want a confused mess of a man that sways whichever way the wind blows.
I can easily fault the site for having a horrible search and match algorithm.
But what happened to gay men in America?
They come across as just a bunch of horn dogs with little to no self respect or means to provide for themselves. Entitled goof balls that don't even know themselves and have willingly adopted every gay stereotype under the sun to form a personality. Disappointing to say the least.
I am sure that the straight world is also plagued with their fair share of undesirables; but I feel that things are worse in the gay community. Perhaps because no one checks the gays on their shortcomings and we just allow the mess to spread for the sake of acceptance or 'tolerance' as the closeted bigots like to say.
Well kids, I am one gay man that is never going to fall into a relationship with, accept or tolerate, these fuckheads:
The Fakes
The guys who describe themselves as monogamous apparently find it easier to type the word into a dating site profile than to practice monogamy. It only takes two conversations with these men to end up listening to the town's cumdump talking about how his previous relationships were open relationships.
What we once called 'mama's boys' are now referring to themselves as family oriented. These men don't want gaybes. They are just grown as men that are still umbilical attached to their mothers. The signs:
Most likely, he wants to live in his parent's neighborhood and spend all of his free time hovering around his mother. He has no idea how to structure a family of his own. He is psychologically stunted and incapable of transitioning into an adult male. When his parents pass away you will most likely be faulted for the separation anxiety that he feels. The time that he spent with you was time that you stole from him and his mother.
The Broke Ass Hoe
I can understand if you are in your 20's or 30's and perhaps putting yourself through college or technical school and your income is limited. But for a grown ass man who is doing absolutely nothing with his life to be broke, loaded with debt, and hunting for another man to bankroll his pathetic life is beyond disgusting.
They are easy to spot. They are the ones that rather quickly start asking you about what you do for a living, where you live (house or an apartment), what kind of car you drive or like, if you like to go shopping, they even probe for brand recognition. They love to fish for information short of asking you for copies of your most recent bank statement.
If your answers fit their budgetary aspirations, you can bet that they will identify you as their soulmate. If you have your life together, don't accept anything less. It will only bring you down to their level.
The broke ass hoes love to mine me since the only pictures in my profile are of me in foreign countries. That's not on purpose. That's just because I find the bathroom selfie that all these basic bitches use to be disgusting. I mean, are you too ugly to photograph outside a bathroom? If a background toilet distracts from your three chins and wart filled face then go get your picture taken in the plumbing aisle at Home Depot!
The Basic Personality
I struggle when I encounter these gays because I never know if I should be kind to them or immediately dismiss them. They appear to be so defenseless, so empty, and so dumb that my first reaction is to be kind and perhaps help them cross the street while teaching them the colors of a traffic light.
These men are easily identifiable by a blank profile or a profile comprised of just a few sentences. You are certain to find the term 'foodie" in there. I despise the term foodie. I mean, how is this a personality? ‘I like food’—how original! Do you also like air? Water? Shelter?
His conversations revolve around the past and will rarely talk about anything positive. Instead, just about every topic is loaded with drama and he expects you to contribute with sound effects since you are now his studio audience. Get ready to gasp yourself in a state of hyperventilation. He loves to hear the sound of people gasping at his stories.
Most of his life has been spent in bars and clubs. If you took him on a date to a museum he would most likely spend the time cruising the bathroom.
His life has no substance and certainly no passion. He mindlessly chases brands and the trends that the brands promote. If you attempt to talk about current events he will most likely be dismissive or his reply will just be bland nothingness.
The Trendy Gay
This is the gay man that has no identity. At a glance, he appears to fit in and is quite the modern man. Just about everything about him screams that he is living in the moment. That's because he is living in the current trend.
His feelings for you will blossom only if his friends like you or his closest sibling approves of you. Inversely, he will dump you if his friends tell him to or his dear sister or brother disapproves of you. You could have put him on a golden pedestal but the minute that public opinion is no longer in your favor he will start searching for your replacement.
He might be a narcissist but if he is not, then he is just weak and desperate to find ways to constantly fit in. You can easily identify this guy on Match.com by looking through his pictures:
He got piercings when all the gays were getting every body part pierced in the 90s.
He is the city boy that started dressing like a cowboy when all the other gays were playing cowboy in the early 2000s. More than likely, he has never even seen a horse in person.
He got tattoos when all the gays were getting tattoos in the early 2000s.
He started wearing aviator glasses, even though he is neither a pilot nor the owner of an airplane, when all the gays started wearing aviator glasses in the 2010s.
He grew a beard when all the gays grew a beard in the late 2010s. He might have even used Latise to grow the beard that he never could.
In the 2020s he attempted to transition from a beard to just a mustache because all the gays were...well, you get it by now.
The Harem of Gay Exes
These are the gay 99%. They are the ones that have amassed a stadium full of ex lovers/partners/boyfriends that are still hovering around and remain part of the life of your new found match.
In 2020 I was matched with a guy from Texas who seemed to be the complete package. Everything about him checked every box on my list of what an ideal gay partner should be. Except for one particular detail that came to light a month into our match when I visited his house. His ex was pretty much still living with him!
They broke up three years prior to our match. When they broke up, the Texan bought a house for his ex only a few blocks away from his house. However, one of the closets in the Texan's home was still filled with the ex's clothes and in the garage the ex still parked his car. The ex called while I was there because his water heater was leaking and Texan dropped everything, including plans with me, to jump to the rescue. I unmatched that fool right there and then just five weeks after we were matched.
Do gay men have any self respect? Is a gay man even capable of respecting his significant other?
I hear all these horror stories about how these gay relationships ended and how the ex betrayed the guys from Match. Yet, these gays are still keeping the ex around.
The Texan broke up with his ex because the ex was stealing from him and was cruising the town and even getting plowed in Walmart parking lots right on the pavement.
What kind of self loathing man allows that kind of monster to linger around and even assume that a future partner has to associate with and accept the ex? I will never allow an ex into my circle of friends or acquaintances. How fucked up was this man to assume that I will accept, entertain, and even smile at the ex that betrayed him and put him through hell? He wasn't really single. He was still very much with his ex.
Fast forward to April 2, 2021 and Match.com strikes again. I get matched with an attorney from Miami, Florida. He claims that he separated from his ex two years ago because the ex is an out of control alcoholic who abuses his epilepsy medications and goes into abusive rage filled episodes. The attorney was in the hospital and the ex chose not to visit him and instead went to the racetrack with his friend and spent the night with the friend. Leaving the attorney alone in the hospital, never visiting. Prime example of yet another quality gay man!
I haven't bothered to meet him in person and I never will.
During another call on April 7th he starts telling me that he gave the ex money to buy a house and even a job at his law firm. The ex still reaches out when he needs money and of course he helps him out. Even last week the ex called for money and dropped by the law firm to pick up the cash with his new boyfriend.
Now, what kind of self respecting gay man would expect me to be in a relationship with him and marriage knowing that our financial resources are going out the door to fund the ex's lifestyle?
Holy crap on a beach ball! What the hell is wrong with gay men in America?
